So I know most people have their own views on the whole pro-choice/pro-life debate and there will be some people who will simply not understand our decision to send William to Baby Heaven - even with all of his medical problems. For a fleeting moment, the views of others was something which caused me concern - what would our friends think? Would they judge me? Would we lose friends over this?
Ultimately, as William's parents, we had to do what we thought was best for him and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. My husband would constantly remind me - "they may think they know what they would do in this situation but until they are stood there in that hospital room, talking about their own baby, they will never really know".
We have been really "lucky" in that we have received nothing but support from our friends and family and if any of them do disagree with our decision, they have certainly never let it be know. However, it is something I do still think about from time to time most recently when I read another girl's blog entry about her own experience of losing a baby.
The girl in question lived in Ireland, and like William, her baby had had severe genetic problems and she had decided that she could no longer continue with the pregnancy. As she lived in Ireland, she had been forced to fly to the UK for the procedure. This, in itself, I found very sad - the ordeal she was faced with was already traumatic enough and it seems unnecessarily cruel to force her to leave her friends, family and support system behind her and fly elsewhere for the medical treatment she needed. This aside, how she was treated upon her return to Ireland astounded me.
Like may women who have been through the deeply traumatic experience of losing a baby, she sought counselling to help her try and come to terms with what had happened. Thankfully, this was offered to her in her home town in Ireland. However, instead of the counselling sessions helping her through her grief, they proved to be extremely upsetting. The sessions themselves were fine but each time the girl in question walked to or from the building where the sessions were held, she was met with a barrage of abuse from protesters outside. On one occasion they cornered her and wouldn't let her walk to her car and continued to shout at her even as she broke down in tears.
Each person is entitled to their views and as I said at the outset, I am sure there are people within my own circle who disagree with the decision we made for William. I am certainly not saying that the path we chose is always the right one, but it was the right one for our little boy. What I do disagree with, however, are those who openly judge other parents for the decision they have made and berate them for it, especially when they themselves have never been faced with having to make such a decision.
I have not encountered one set of parents who were "happy" to have been given the option to bring the pregnancy to an end for medical reasons. Whilst they may be thankful that they had the option to prevent their child from a lifetime of suffering the decision has ultimately been heart braking. My little boy was very much wanted...more than that...he was desperately wanted by me and my husband. We loved him terribly and choosing to let him go has broken our hearts. We will never ever be the same again and we will never ever get over the pain of losing him.
I am sure this is exactly how the girl in Ireland feels. She is heartbroken. She loved her baby. She wanted her baby. She did what she thought was best for her baby. The decision she made was one based on pure, unselfish love for her unborn child and it was heart braking I am sure it takes ever ounce of strength she has just to get up in the morning, let alone to drive her car to the counselling offices and walk across the car park into the building whilst the protesters hurl abuse at her. I wonder...would their reaction be the same if they had been faced with making this decision about their own child? I suspect not.
Until you've walked in my shoes, don't judge me.
Ultimately, as William's parents, we had to do what we thought was best for him and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. My husband would constantly remind me - "they may think they know what they would do in this situation but until they are stood there in that hospital room, talking about their own baby, they will never really know".
We have been really "lucky" in that we have received nothing but support from our friends and family and if any of them do disagree with our decision, they have certainly never let it be know. However, it is something I do still think about from time to time most recently when I read another girl's blog entry about her own experience of losing a baby.
The girl in question lived in Ireland, and like William, her baby had had severe genetic problems and she had decided that she could no longer continue with the pregnancy. As she lived in Ireland, she had been forced to fly to the UK for the procedure. This, in itself, I found very sad - the ordeal she was faced with was already traumatic enough and it seems unnecessarily cruel to force her to leave her friends, family and support system behind her and fly elsewhere for the medical treatment she needed. This aside, how she was treated upon her return to Ireland astounded me.
Like may women who have been through the deeply traumatic experience of losing a baby, she sought counselling to help her try and come to terms with what had happened. Thankfully, this was offered to her in her home town in Ireland. However, instead of the counselling sessions helping her through her grief, they proved to be extremely upsetting. The sessions themselves were fine but each time the girl in question walked to or from the building where the sessions were held, she was met with a barrage of abuse from protesters outside. On one occasion they cornered her and wouldn't let her walk to her car and continued to shout at her even as she broke down in tears.
Each person is entitled to their views and as I said at the outset, I am sure there are people within my own circle who disagree with the decision we made for William. I am certainly not saying that the path we chose is always the right one, but it was the right one for our little boy. What I do disagree with, however, are those who openly judge other parents for the decision they have made and berate them for it, especially when they themselves have never been faced with having to make such a decision.
I have not encountered one set of parents who were "happy" to have been given the option to bring the pregnancy to an end for medical reasons. Whilst they may be thankful that they had the option to prevent their child from a lifetime of suffering the decision has ultimately been heart braking. My little boy was very much wanted...more than that...he was desperately wanted by me and my husband. We loved him terribly and choosing to let him go has broken our hearts. We will never ever be the same again and we will never ever get over the pain of losing him.
I am sure this is exactly how the girl in Ireland feels. She is heartbroken. She loved her baby. She wanted her baby. She did what she thought was best for her baby. The decision she made was one based on pure, unselfish love for her unborn child and it was heart braking I am sure it takes ever ounce of strength she has just to get up in the morning, let alone to drive her car to the counselling offices and walk across the car park into the building whilst the protesters hurl abuse at her. I wonder...would their reaction be the same if they had been faced with making this decision about their own child? I suspect not.
Until you've walked in my shoes, don't judge me.
I wear a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
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