For a while now I have been thinking of this whole grieving process as a bit like trying to surf (not that I can surf but I've watched Keanu in Point Break). I feel like I am trying to ride a wave. There are really big ups and downs but I keep trying to stay up on the board and on my feet.
Every so often a really big wave comes along and knocks me off the board and into the sea. I swallow a shit load of sea water and find myself gasping for air, coughing and spluttering. I have to muster up enough energy to drag myself back up onto the board like a drowned rat and try and catch the next wave.
Until recently, I'd always imagined myself trying to scramble back up onto my feet and up on the board as soon as I've been knocked off. However, this week I met a new Baby Loss Buddy and after explaining my surfing analogy to her she said that sometimes she feels the need to paddle for a a bit before climbing back up on the board.
For some reason paddling had never occurred to me before but thinking about it now, it seems like a good idea. When I'm knocked off the board I am so worried I'm not going to be able to get back up again that I try to get back up there as quickly as I can and it can be pretty exhausting. Maybe I should be paddling.....a little break might give me some time to think about my surfing stance and why I wiped out...as my Baby Loss Buddy, said we can just enjoy the scenery for a bit and miss a couple of waves until we feel strong enough to catch the next one.
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